Monday, May 7, 2012

Starting Over...

I know its late and I know I need to get into bed and go to sleep because I have to be up early for work tomorrow.  However, I wanted to share a few thoughts for the evening.  There are a couple of things that I have been thinking about since this morning.  When you start a new job, you start over.  Now I have to admit, I have relationships on some level with a lot of my new co-workers because I have worked with them in a different capacity at my previous two positions.  The funny thing is, I realized they really don't "KNOW ME" so what does that mean?  To me its their perceptions of me, I wonder what that is.  I hope to find out soon.  :)

I think I'm nervous because I have to start over with people.  I have to put myself out there and hope that everybody will accept me for who I am and what I can do.  I don't doubt my talent, I am very good at what I do, I'm just nervous about getting to know new people.  What is funny is that I find that I am MORE SHY now then I have ever been in my whole life.  I find that I'm not as open with people as I once was, I am more private I guess with people I don't necessarily know, even if I have worked with them for years.  They know I'm honest, they know I work hard.  Its just weird going into the hospital and being on "the inside."  I come from agency, I have been a nurse recruiter, HR/Payroll Coordinator and a staffer with agency for the last 5 years.  I can't wait to see how it all works at the hospital level.  I'm really excited to learn all that I can at the hospital.  I'm just nervous about if people are going to LIKE ME.  I know that sounds juvenile but I can't help it because I WANT them to like me, to get to know me, and be friends.  I know that work isn't "play time" but I love to get to know new people I'm just a little shy at first because I don't want to do or say something incorrect.

I hope that soon we can start paying off some of these bills, I need to get a car, driving my parent's Yukon is wonderful and its such a nice ride but its so big and I feel guilty driving it because its a gas guzzler.  I hope that things start falling into place better, that we can start fresh and pay off everything and get something soon to get me back and forth to work without the huge carbon foot print that I have now.  I can't afford to drive the thing! Anyway, I guess I'm getting to the point of rambling, I'm sleepy now and should probably lie down and see if I can get to sleep.

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