Tuesday, May 1, 2012

Staying Positive..

I'm trying my hardest to stay positive.  Losing my car has really upset me.  Its just one more thing to add to the stack of stuff that has been thrown at us.  It kills me to have to borrow my parent's vehicle for any amount of time.  And frankly I don't even know right now HOW I'm going to get a new car to replace mine.  I hate that I don't have a "plan."  Its impossible to at this point.  I mean really I think its awesome that I get to drive a luxury vehicle.  However, paying for the gas for said vehicle is going to put a strain on our limited resources.  We are listing John's motorcycle on Craigslist again and hopefully we get someone that will buy it.  It will give us a little cash for a clunky car.  UGH!
Its just weird and a little unusual how much John & I have had to deal with.  I mean we have really had the monkey shit thrown at us.  Please excuse my language, but that is how it feels.  Think about it, for those of you who know us and are friends, you know that the year we got married I was laid off 6 months before our wedding, was in said lay off for 3 months, went back to work and got "laid off" 4 days before we signed the paperwork for our new house.  I was off for about 6 months before finding my job at MSN.  That September RIGHT after our 1st wedding anniversary I am rushing John to he hospital, he even got to ride in a helicopter because they THOUGHT my 33 year old husband was having a heart attack, THANKFULLY it was Pericarditis, it was still painful for him and he spent the better part of a week in the hospital but that was the second most terrifying moment I have ever had, up to that point it was #1 however, that was to come the following September.  THEN a couple months went by and I got a horrible ovarian cyst, I was in the hospital 2 times for that one.  THAN things started to look up and we found out after all that pain I had that we were pregnant a month later.  Only to find out once again right after our 2nd wedding anniversary that our baby had died.  THAT was and will forever be my most terrified most heartbreaking moment in my life, and I don't think I will ever recover.  After healing I went back to work only to find out 3 months later that I'm losing my job.  I JUST find out that I have a new job that I have wanted for years and then my car dies.  SO we are at today, I am sitting here trying to figure out what we have to do so I can have a car to get to said new job and I'm not coming up with anything.  I wish I could request a miracle, however, I want to save that for when I do actually get pregnant the next time and request the miracle of a breathing, healthy baby.  I'm stuck and I don't know what to do.  I hate having so much in the air, but when you really look at everything, its not possible.  I do not know how much my checks at the new job are going to be, I can do a guesstament but until I know for sure I can't do anything.  WE have to dig out from under all the medical bills, and our 3 credit cards to actually get anywhere.  I wish there was a way to get a clean slate without bankruptcy.  What's funny to ME is all these people that have money coming out of their ears and I work and struggle EVERY DAY just to TRY and make ends meet.  I work harder then the topmost CEO does and make nothing.  Short of winning the lottery I can't think of anything...

1 comment:

  1. Look at it this way, with all the super sh*t life has thrown at you, truly, is this moment, this time the hardest moment, the worst day, you've ever had to bear? You amazingly lived through that day and still have the strength to honor and cherish your daughter with every moment you live. If you can do that, and survive that, then this is nothing and it will all work out.