I honestly believe that John & I have a really black cloud above us. Once a problem (MY JOB) get's "fixed" there is another issue that comes right on the heals. I know most of those reading are on my FB as well, but the newest "challenge" the timing chain went in my car. Now I realize my car is a 2003 and I know that it has ALMOST 200,000 miles on it, but never would I think that the entire engine would go. That's right folks, when THAT little problem happens to your car (especially if you drive a grand am from 2003) you have no choice but to replace the entire engine. So NOW tomorrow I'll be making phone calls all over Michigan looking for a re-manufactured engine for my car. The alternative, buy a new car, but guess what, seeing as how we have a ton of medical bills that went to collections our credit scores have taken a serious hit, there isn't a single dealership out there that would give us a car loan. Like I said its just one thing after another. There are days when I wonder how much more can we take, how much more before everything tears apart what John and I have together. It just feels like life has it in for us. Like what more can we possibly do to this two people that we haven't already done just to see how strong they are, will they make it? Thankfully I start my new job soon so we won't be attempting to pay everything on unemployment, which is a joke by the way, I don't know WHAT a family bigger then two people would do. Anyway, I just keep praying that all the bad stuff will stop that something GOOD will come out of it all. I'm trying to remain optimistic, trying but tonight I'm doing poorly.
Anyway, beyond that, I attended my first baby shower since Noel was born sleeping. I surprised myself, I did not cry once. Its the little things, the everyday things that you need to get through and make it to the other side and know that you made it. Was it hard watching my BFF open gifts for her baby, YES it was, but it was a dull pain, one that wasn't sharp and didn't hurt just the ache wishing Noel was there with me, I could have showed her off a little, but again, I am wishing and I know that it won't happen, I just WISH it was how things were. I guess we missed out window this month to try again, so hopefully next month we can work a little harder on getting pregnant ourselves.
I truly hope that by this time next month that I am pregnant that I can rejoice in carrying another child. I know I'll be healthier, I've lost 5.2 lbs so far on weight watchers, so I am doing good. I did take the weekend off from exercising, but I will be back at it tomorrow, I have one week left of my "forced vacation" to get the house cleaned and the laundry done before I go back to work full time and have an excuse as to WHY my house looks like frat boys live in it.
Only time will tell on when John & I get pregnant, I hope its as easy the getting that way a second time around. We will see...Have a good night everybody.