I have a lot that I am thankful for in my life. I have a wonderful caring loving husband, a family that always sticks together and some of the best people on this planet I'm lucky to count as friends. I am thankful for my home, my job and all the other things that come along with it.
Obviously this year was hard, it was hard playing with my niece who is 10 months old and not thinking about how different yesterday would of been if Noel was with us. Its hard to remember all the things I do have in my life when such a huge piece is missing. I have a feeling that this time next year I will have a baby of my own. But I can never replace my precious Noel, all I can do is continue to honor her memory and create a new life without her.
I can't wait for the day when I get to tell John that I'm pregnant, I think I'm going to keep the secret this time just between us for the first trimester and not even tell my family or friends. Just keep the secret for a little while and cherish it with just my husband. Not sure I will be able to keep my mouth shut for that long, but I'm going to try.
I'm really not looking forward to Christmas this year, I'm trying to remember all the good of the season and not dwell in the what if's but its hard, I mean Santa would of actually come to my house this year, LOL. I just keep seeing different things that I would of bought if Noel was with us. The toys, out fits etc...Its really hard NOT to buy them and have them for the next time around. But then I'm looking at mostly girlie stuff and Lord knows I would have a boy next.
Well that is pretty much all I have to say for now, not a lot today because I am trying not to over think everything. Thanks for reading.
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