I'm so glad you are taking a moment to read today.
As I discussed yesterday I have made a life change in joining weight watchers. So far I am doing really well, and hoping that the 40lbs that I have to lose will come off quickly.
Today my subjects are bills and baby magazines, I happen to be trying to go through the household budget and pay some bills. You all know that I'm currently not working and we are struggling to make ends meet. On Saturday my statement came from the hospital once again letting me know that I still owe them over $1800 for the birth of Noel. We have been paying as much as we can every month to them, but I DREAD when this statement comes, because it takes me back to that awful hospital stay. I wish we had the money to just completely pay it off so I don't have to get these bills every month, because honestly it always makes me cry. I can't help it. I know today I will receive the statements from the doctors, the anesthesiologist, and every body else who touched me. These are the bills I wish I could just pay off and never have to see again. Hopefully I get a call today that tells me I have a job, more then anything I need to get back to work so we can finally see the light at the end of this tunnel. 4/24/12-Adding this in because I FINALLY got the call late yesterday that I got the job at McLaren Hospital! My first day is May 7th WOO HOOO!!!
Now BABY MAGAZINES...I have 2 magazines that I receive every month. I have called, emailed and sent back these magazines back to the publisher, BEGGING them to STOP sending these to me. They just make me remember that my baby isn't here in my arms anymore. I don't know what to do about them anymore. One of the girls in my HUGS group has returned the magazines with black marker saying return to sender my baby died and she is STILL receiving them. While this may seem like a harsh statement she is sending, at this moment in time I completely understand. I have never felt so inadequate in my life. I can't stop them from coming and I'm sick of getting them.
On a completely different note, here is where my ADD kicks in, the kittens...My little boys are getting SO BIG, they are now 5 months old. Obviously they still are small and act like juvenile delinquents MOST of the time, okay MAGELLAN is the delinquent, but he is currently snuggling up on my lap and purring his little heart out. I know later I'll be attempting to correct his little behaviors. Mini Me is Magellan's complete opposite, he is a good boy ALL the time. I am sure once Magellan get's his fill of loving on Mommy, Mini Me will climb up here and love on me. I truly believe that God sent these two little miracles to me. They ARE NOW my babies, my twin little boys that melt my heart with their love and affection, I have NEVER had kittens that act like these two. I think he saw that I needed to be able to "mother" something and put these babies in my path to let them take care of ME. They know when I am upset or when I cry, especially Magellan, he will come and just snuggle and I hear his little voice saying "Mommy its okay I'm here with you." Anyway, for more on the boys see my facebook page, I have some new pictures of Mr. Magellan in the mixing bowl, literally. :) I wish you all peace and love, I hope that you will reach out to me if you need a friend in your time of need.