Saturday, April 7, 2012

Going to Visit Baby Noel...

I am going to see Noel in just a little while to take her some flowers a bunny and a pinwheel to celebrate Easter.  However, I still have misgivings about celebrating Easter at all this year.  I am not sure what my beliefs are anymore and I don't know if I want to take these to her in celebration of Easter.  I think I will say for now its to celebrate spring.  Each day has passed so much slower then the one before it lately for me.  A lot of this is because I'm not working right now, and its been hard for me to focus on other things besides losing Noel.  I have been more sad if that is even possible because I know how much I would of enjoyed this break from work if I had my sweet baby girl with me.  I just think about the things I could of done with her.  I think about taking her to see the Easter bunny, going for walks in the neighborhood, showing her the pretty flowers in the garden, I know they would make her smile.  I also know that some of this 'dreaming' maybe getting out of hand.  I am dwelling on things more every day, I am even thinking its a little unhealthy.  I miss Noel every second of every day, and I can't move past that.  I want her here.  I want to see her, to hear her to smell her. I just wish with my whole heart that she was here.  Here with me and her daddy and living and thriving.  I wanted her to experience all that life has to offer and see what she makes of it. My kitten Magellan just came up and gave me some kisses, he knows when I start to slide down the slope to tears he is very good at stopping them from coming.  I will say goodbye for now and write more later

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